remembering hope and creating hope

I am sitting in my office, listening to the gentle hum of the fans we have running in the house (we don't have an air conditioner) and doing some reading on the web.

As I was surfing through a few of the blogs I regularly read I found myself watching some clips from the Daily Show. (We don't get cable and I love this show so when I find myself in a place where I can get little clips I soak it in - like candy and cookies, cable access to shows I love are better kept out of the house and/or I have to have some really strong resolve to only take small doses).

Anyway, I was watching some clips and I came across "Jon Stewart Post 9/11 Speech. It was a poignant reminder for me of that day, but more importantly of the fleeting moments of clarity that we have in life, Celtic traditions refer to these times as the "thin places". Beyond the fear, past the anger, in the middle of the rips and tears in our hearts, I remember the undeniable moments of oneness. And not just oneness with the people of this country - but the world. There was oneness with the world.

I live in a place where the "Christian voice" would have us believe that there is only oneness within the realm of Christianity. All to often when I go to worship with other Christians I leave feeling lost, depressed, misplaced, and I have no trouble identifying with those who reject the church. But I cannot bring myself to walk away from these practices, I cannot leave the conversation, I am continually drawn to the "table" for the hope of this oneness. Not the oneness of assimilation, or that we conform to the same practices and lifestyles and beliefs.

It is the oneness of sharing this same time and space on earth. The oneness that we are of the human race, the oneness that we are a world community, a world of people that may be worlds apart, but world citizens together.

It is that hope in which I live. It is that vision of the Kingdom of God for which I work and live and seek. It is that hope that continues to draw me into these conversations of faith and culture and remembering.

Thanks also to Mary Hess who refered to the unrest of the world through the dailyKos.

I still see hope

driving cars and "being green"

I have been going through a moderately comical and frantic "the world is dying" melodrama over the past few weeks.

thankfully moving past the hopelessness of "what can I do to save to world", to the hopefullness of "what can I do to effectively be a part of saving the world".

so . . . here is one thing I can start . . . interesting information and "little things" we can do together -

here is the first -

check it out

for san diegans and mostly west coast

for minnesotans and mostly east coast

for other tips and information on easy ways to "be green" check out
this for at home

and

this for at work


more to come . . .

building a cathedral

ok - i have been "offline" for a few weeks. Disconnected, disassociated, disinterested. Thank you to those of you who reminded me that this writing stuff isn't really just for me - getting out of myself.

well, today was a good day to start letting myself be re-introduced back into the blog sphere.

I ran across this illustration posted on the blog of Andrew Jones

anyway - the whole thing about planting a grove of oak trees made me think of two things directly related to my life in the past few weeks.

1) - the obvious, church planting. what I have done here, or have not done here, may not show up for many years - but I can at the very least, trust that the Holy Spirit is at work through me - and through the connections and relationships that are being built.

2) - last week I was in MN and I went to visit my grandma, who is living in the same homestead where she grew up - but now it belongs to my aunt and uncle. So as asked my aunt to show me around the yard and tell me what they have done, and what she has planted. (they have really created a beautiful space). At the very edge of the yard where the lawn and the grove and the field all meet, my aunt pointed out to me a small twig - the beginning of an oak tree.

I've been told that it is difficult (or ill-advised) to try to re-locate an oak, because of the long dorsal root that grows strait down into the earth. If you want an oak somewhere, you have to start it with an acorn! They also take a long time to grow and produce acorns

When I asked about who long it would take to grow, my aunt looked at me and said "We will never sit under the shade of this tree."

All this causes me to wonder about the wisdom of our culture. The Oak produces such a rich array of imagery and symbolism and strength. And we plant them - never being able to harvest the benefits - yet we plant trees.

I guess - like the promises given to Abraham, and Moses - we trust that the good seeds we sow into the earth will be a blessing to future generations.

podcast

Hey all -

Check the reforming church website out.

I was interviewed a few weeks ago on contextual theology and what it means to "be the church". The entry on May 1st is a short conversation/interview about 20 minutes between Brian Spahr and myself - and I have to say - Brian really made me sound good - what fun!

links

Here is a music video - by Pink

It is a powerful message, thanks to my friend Annette for sharing it with me.

Easter

This past week brought to my attention the memory and importance of ritual in our lives.

Tim and I attended a Saturday evening service (which I was expecting to be a kind of Easter Vigil). What the service entailed was actually the retelling of our salvation history, from Old Testament stories of salvation – to the raising of Christ. What I did not expect was my reaction. In the middle of the service they started taking down the dark paraments (the cloths that cover the furniture in the front of the church) and started putting up the Easter colors. I turned to Tim and said – “we need to leave right now’. I was not at all prepared to celebrate Easter on a night that I expected to be taken to the depths of sorrow that were experienced by the disciples.

For me there is great importance to the rhythm and ritual of season. Maybe it is a Minnesotan thing – but spring is all the more beautiful after a cold harsh winter. And the warmth of the sun is much more comforting and radiant after days of gloom and cold. That is like the Easter rhythm for me. There is nothing greater than to experience the joy of freedom after the taste of our bondage to sin and death. To be re-united with Christ after having remembered what it is like to have lost hope.

And when the sun rises on Easter morning, after the dark of the night – we are reminded that the light broke into the darkness. It is the memory of Christ death and resurrection that gives us pause to be able to rejoice.

On Easter morning – we went to a sunrise service on the beach. What a different experience. We got up early because I was helping to lead the service – but just to gather with a group of people some of whom planned to be there and some of whom “happened by”. And knowing the preparations for that morning happened in the deepest part of the night.

God works sometimes in the depths of our darkness. And when the light comes to shine on the changes they are startling, miraculous, and often worth the sorrow we have walked through to witness the story.

May this Easter season be filled with the dawning of God in your life.

how well do we know . . .

I have been recently having some email conversations with a colleague of mine - and this morning as I was writing to him, and complaining about being sent out here on my own - I have the realization that Jesus may possibly have known these men that he called to follow him.

While to many people that might not be anything earth shattering, or inspiring, I think there are some very important lessons that we – as people, as leaders, as members of communities – can learn.

As a church it has always seemed odd to me that we send people out one by one (not a very biblical model anyway you put it). But we also find these crazy people who take on the challenge (me being a prime example) because we believe that God is calling us to “go”.

It occurred to me this morning that Jesus most likely knew most of the people in the small town of Nazareth – (maybe this has a bigger role to play than we have paid attention to before). And growing up in that small town were also a number men (an women) who became followers. Jesus most likely knew quite a bit about James and John – and for that matter their father Zebedee. I guess it had always been my assumption that the God-ness of Jesus led him to “know” who to call. I am just beginning to understand some of the ordinary ways that god works through the ways of humanity.

Jesus maybe saw much more in these men than we might, but we also know who are the good leaders of our communities, those people that we think could be great leaders, those people that we think will change the world.

So how well do we know the people around us? As someone just getting to know this community it puts another challenge in front of me. Not only who are the movers and shakers in this place here and now, but also who are the potential changers of the world!

april

I went for a long bike ride the other day. It's a reminder for me of why I really like living in Southern California. It is a great time to be out and enjoying the world. Biking is the one time that my mind is truely focused on the one thing that I am doing. Other forms of excersize like running and swimming are great times for me to meditate - and plan and vision what is coming in the days and weeks ahead - but when I bike - it is all me and the bike.

(for those of you who watch LOST - I named my bike Mr. Eko. There is some spiritual/religious power, raw strength and faith in that character - even with (or maybe because of) his life story.)

I continue to seek these things in life - where I can just be.

Saving the World

I went out for dinner with some people from the tri club the other night. These gatherings (and workouts for that matter) are always hard for me to go too – it is another thing I do on my own – and although I am outgoing in my work – it is sometimes hard to continue to do in my personal time.

Anyway – during dinner the wife of the ironman coach got up to leave for church. So the conversation turned to the subject of church and faith for this couple. After a few minutes the coach turned to a conversation with a few people sitting at the other end of the table and a woman who I had met earlier in the evening made a comment about me being a pastor. Well . . . that set a few others at the table off about how that was so great and I must be so proud of that (blah blah blah).

Frankly, although I am glad for my “profession” it is not something that I would announce – anymore than someone who is a teacher or a mechanical engineer or a CFO. Actually - there are many situations in which I try to turn the focus from what I “do” because I am not sure if I am “up” for the reactions. And this evening in particular when it was hard to get myself to be open enough to go out to dinner with a group of people that I did not know . . .

So I was very frank about my hesitation in telling people – and why – and this woman sitting across from me again said, “Why? You should be so proud and so glad. What you do is so important. It matters to people. It’s not like you are just working at the corner store or something – You’re making a difference. You are changing the world!”

Well what do you say to that!!!!

My first reaction was to graciously agree – “yes I am proud to do what I do, and yes it does make a difference” – saying nothing about changing the world – really we all do that – but before I could get anything else out the questions started to pour about women in the church and faith and scripture and differences between men and women . . . I was so grateful for the focus moving away from me – and impressed with the thoughtfulness and intelligence of these people sitting around me . . .

As I reflect back on those comments – I realize that there was a lot of power for me there. This was a blessing – this woman was blessing me . . .

In a “humble” response, I would comment that we all change the world – I am only playing my small part. It just happens to be more visible and vocal than others, even the person who works at the “corner store” is making a difference

In a “grateful” response, I would again comment on the pride that this woman gave me in what I get to do. I do get to make a difference. It is my privilege to tell the stories of where God is active in the world and give people language and hope in that vision.

In an “indebted” response it is a great weight and responsibility to have that expectation placed upon the occupation of pastor.

And again – a blessing – I get to be a part of changing the world!

The profundity of triathlons.

OK – so while more people would not think that triathlons in themselves are all that “profound” you have to at least admit that “profundity” is a fun word to say . . .

For those of you relatively new to my world – I am a triathlete. My sister and I ran an iroman in 2003 and we are now training for Ironman Wisconsin (which takes place in Madison Wisconsin on September 10, 2006 – for those of you who want to be a part of our cheering squad!)

These past few months Triathlete magazine has been running a series by Scott Tinley (who in the world of triathlon may just be considered “the man”). Here are a few quotes of his (from the January and march issues of Triathlete Magazine)

“Thirty years ago I never thought multi-sport athletes would use their sport only to rub on as a balm that would protect them from the harsh realities of the world. And while I have nothing against those who do, it is those who peel back the layers, who open up the discourse and ask,” Is this good for all of us who have invested months and years of our lives into the idea that we take more from our events than a thin T-shirt and a canceled check?” They are the ones that will shape the next 30 years”

and

“What is important is that how we feel about ourselves keeps evolving as we learn and grow. Not as we change the channel or turn the page. And anyone can come to the dance, even, as Thoreau said, if they ‘hear a different drummer however measured or far away.’”

Although Tinley is talking about triathlons and the people who are a part of that community, it struck me that this is almost exactly what I would say about our churches and faith communities. There are so many who come to church communities to escape from the realities of the world – to hear a word of hope that tells them that they are “saved” or “redeemed”. It becomes a salve for those moments in the pews, behind the church doors. And while that certainly may be one reason for the church itself to exist, it is only one.

I have to admire and applaud those who are asking the tough questions about church, faith, communities, culture, Christianity, God and Jesus. (yes this at times includes me – I can admire myself right?). Those who are asking – “is this working?” “What exactly do we think we are doing?” “Can we work out our faith in different ways and different places?” “How can we be a place where we are able to express the love that Jesus taught us? – or Muhammad or Buddha or Elisha?”

I have learned more than I thought I would about myself, my faith, and my view of community from this world of triathlons. Funny how it is easier to reflect on something when you get yourself out of it . . .

update

just to let all you who have been reading this know - our friend Doug is doing much better.

a struggle of saddness

This morning I found out my husband’s best friend Doug attempted to take his life on Monday.

Two years ago, in February, Doug, was in a snowmobile accident. He amazingly survived. (The medical staff that saw him come into the hospital and worked with him over the next few days would call it a miracle). Doug was in a coma for three weeks and slowly came out of it. After much painful physical therapy and medical assistance (and millions of prayers) Doug was able to go home at the end of April. And a month later he was able to attend our wedding. Later that year he began to walk again – with the assistance of a brace for his left foot, and recently he has been able to walk on his own. Doug in a sense regained a life that was almost lost. A miracle recovery many would call it.

But Doug still struggles (and we struggle with him). For all the celebrations we have for the little steps he has taken physically, he has had an ominous struggle with depression. Doug has, for most of his life, been an incredibly in charge, witty, quick, highly intelligent man. And while he is still witty, intelligent and quicker than most – he has not been the Doug that we used to know.

This last Monday, Doug attempted to take his life. Feelings of pride and confidence have been overtaken by hopelessness and loss of self worth. The past few months have been a trying and tiring time for his family, and many of his close friends live far away.

At this point, I am at a loss. I don’t know how to be a support to Tim. I don’t know how to best support Doug and his family. I don’t know how to be useful. I know all the things about letting people know that I am thinking of them and praying, but that feels like so little. I don’t know how this will affect our lives here. I do know that it is at times like this when I feel I have a better understanding of how insignificant so many of our concerns really are.

It is at times like this that I wish that this community that I am trying to bring together was already established and I could go to someone’s house and cry for Doug and his wife and their children and have others sit with me and cry for Doug and his wife and their children.

Although Doug survived his accident, there has been great loss. Each time we hear from him it is a reminder. And we struggle to let go of our expectations of who Doug was and find ways to love who Doug is. We want to love this man who has been a sacred part of Tim’s life for the better part of 20 years, and we do. Which is why it is painful to listen to his sadness, to hear him struggle, to feel helpless, to be helpless.

“There is a time to weep and a time to laugh and a time mourn and a time to dance” (Ecc 3:4) and as much as we want to dance – we also want to know how to live in the weeping.

ahhhhh life is good

ok - so while this is not the first time I have been standing on a board it IS the first time that I was up for more than a few seconds AND someone was there with a camera. It just doesn't get much better than surfing in January!

Balance and Action

We returned on Monday evening from our trip to Colorado. It was a great time with cousins Ben and Beth, and Ben. It is always helpful to have conversations with people who I am close to in explaining more in depth about what I am doing. And going over again the questions of vision and how missional church starts are so different . . .

But the real deal is that I am home again with no broken bones and Tim and I are still talking!!! (When your husband tries to teach you to do something that he is good at there is always some tension). My cousin Ben gave me a short lesson in snow boarding at A Basin on Saturday (my last few runs of the day – on the bunny hill). And I finally understood what I was doing wrong and what I could easily fix. After this many times on the slopes you may think that I would have figured it out – I knew there was something I was missing – but didn’t quite know what. Although those who know me best won’t be surprised – what I was missing was BALANCE. Basically staying low to the ground. When I get anxious I tend to straighten up and then it is easier to lose balance – as well as getting hurt when hitting the ground. But by having faith in my abilities, and myself and by staying relaxed, it was much more fun, and I did a lot better.

And while we did not get a chance to get out again for me to practice more – I have been thinking more about this whole Balance/low-to-the-ground (next time we go I will be like an old pro – or hack).

Balance seems to be an issue that keeps coming into all of out lives – and as I think about it, as we are able to stay relaxed balance becomes a natural outcome. But when we get frustrated, tense, upset, we tend to become rigid and we are more susceptible to injury, or worse.

In terms of church planting – (which I think is more naturally suitable to me than snowboarding) this whole balance thing is important to remember. Balancing time, people, personalities, expectations, and of course traditions and creativity – while keeping with the convictions that we as Christians hold in being followers, nay DISCIPLES of Jesus.

How does that all happen? I think first and foremost it is again the reminder that God has called me to be me. Second it is the balance of recognizing my own convictions alongside of being attentive and listening to the stories, the cries, the laughter and the lives of those who I am in contact with in this community, while attempting to name where God is active and enter into God’s story. While this may not seem like much – there are some amazing things that come out of being attentive and willing to be open to following where God may be calling.

two things

Two things I learned/relearned/have epiphanies about today . . .

1 – on the subject of “selling myself” in order to start a church. I always though that idea was a little bogus – plus it made me feel really uncomfortable – and frankly doesn’t really sound like me – So I am learning again to re-write the story – make it my own – my own descriptions/verbs/actions – and basically the God story of my life.

So as I go about my work I find myself finding me. I am about being where God is calling me (or trying to pay attention and attempt to be where God is calling me). One of the most helpful pieces of advice that keeps re-surfacing through a variety of people and in a variety of places is that God made me who I am – and all I need to do is to be me. Frankly there are a time when that is really easy – and there are times when that is really hard – but it is a whole lot easier to be me – than trying to be someone else.

2 – I learned today that it is possible to find fun and purpose in things that I actually do not excel at. (Or at least I am told that this is possible.) This is a foreign concept for me. I have learned that I am much more competitive than I like to think I am - and I enjoy doing things with others in which I can either come alongside them and/or lead. I get frustrated being left in the back – or when others have to wait for me . . .

All this comes from a weekend of snowboarding possibilities. Last spring I broke my wrist and was fairly incapacitated for a few weeks. It was not fun. And although I am a little concerned about getting hurt again – I am more concerned that I have not yet been able to excel at this sport. This will be my 4th season (granted I have probably hit the slopes on a snowboard less than 8 times) and I feel the necessity to be doing better.

So check out the story as it unfolds next week – can I learn to be myself on the slopes and have fun – or do I learn to be myself and quite doing things that I don’t particularly enjoy (even if it means giving up time with my husband).

Peace

What is Your Life Story?

“Every moment
we can decide
to respond to an event or a person with joy.

To choose joy
does not mean to choose happy feelings
or an artificial atmosphere of hilarity.

But it does mean the determination
to let whatever takes place
bring us one step closer to the God of life.”


-Henri Nouwen, in "Embraced by God's Love" daily readings
copyright © 1977 Doubleday Publishing


A few weeks ago I had a delightful conversation with a few members from a neighboring community. The words we used had more to do with peace - but this was a great reminder for me. It is we who choose what the events of our lives mean to us. We give them meaning, we tell our stories. And in the end - the story that is told the most often becomes our reality.

Stories, then, start as a description of the events of our lives and become our "life story" - all out of a few little steps.

Something to think about . . .

Incarnation

OK – here is one of those things that I think about, chew on – come up with a theological stance and then wonder – “Am I still Lutheran” and then when I mention it to someone else I realize that what I have said is probably really redundant and the whole world has come to this realization before me. – That being said – I am still going to put this out there – it would be nice to have some conversation.

So I am reading – "The Shaping of Things to Come" - (you can websearch the book for some book reviews - and yes I know I am late on the bandwagon for this one). I really have a hard time reading it slowly – partly because I feel like I am in deep with these ideas they write about and I crave more insight, and partly because I am in this stuff over my head and feel the need to hurry up and do everything at once (it is not a book that helps me to slow down like a good novels)

I wasn’t too far into the book when I came across this . . .

“When we talk of the Incarnation with the capitol I we refer to that act of sublime love and humility whereby God took it upon himself to enter into the depths of our world, our life, and our reality in order that the reconciliation and consequent union between God and humanity may be brought about. This “enfleshing” of God is so radical and total that it is the bedrock upon which rests all subsequent acts of God in his world. A halfway house on the way to God would not do for a lost humanity, and so God had to come down to man, not halfway but the whole way.”


Ok – so here is what I am thinking – I don’t think that God was any less a part of humanity before Jesus nor is God any less or more a part of the world now. (and I know I am getting picky here more about language – but that is our medium) I have been thinking about these phrases in practical terms – if we say that God lowered God self to human standards in Jesus and we are to be like Jesus – the imagery that comes to mind is that those of us who have lived a life of privilege “lower” ourselves to be around those less fortunate. and who is to say who is less fortunate and in what respect. . . it feels to humanly contrived - It just doesn’t jive with me. Not that I don’t believe in the Incarnation, it just was something that struck me . . .

Tim and I were talking about this and he commented that he thinks in many ways God is "above" us – but the image that comes to my head is this physical “aboveness” like God at some point was not really "here" – and then I realize this is maybe more of a personal struggle. What gets me is that God chooses ways to be revealed so that we might understand (among a host of other reasons I am sure).

This might not make sense yet - I am still chewing on it all.

Just some thoughts to put out there – (I am stopping now because if I go further I may not be able to stop)

Peace